Tinted Beeswax, Ozokerite and Petrolatum
by Aunt Kathy
Summary: Totally J/C. While on the bridge Seven finds something that shouldn't be there… a bit of fun on my part. And someone else's... Enjoy. :)


Disclaimer: Don't own them... just having a bit of fun, but it looks like I'm not the only one in this case. *Cough!*

Dedications: Firstly to the ancient Mesopotamian women who started this practice, although they preferred to use gem stones. Secondly to all of those who, like Jordan Trevor, skadoo, Mrs. Singing Violin and myself, wished there was more time in the day.

A HUGE thank you to my brilliant beta as always. This wouldn't be half as good without her.

Enjoy. :)

* * *

The turbolift doors on the bridge slid open to reveal Seven of Nine.

"Commander." She inclined her head briefly towards Lieutenant Commander Tuvok, who was sitting in the command chair, and had been for the past ninety-seven minutes.

She strode purposefully (incidentally this was the only way Seven of Nine was ever seen to stride) across the bridge and towards the doors to the captain's ready room. She was about to press the chime to the side for admittance when she was stopped.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Seven," came a muffled voice from under the engineering panel to the ex-drone's left.

Seven of Nine turned to the source of the comment and was faced with a pair of legs poking out from underneath the console, moving slightly as the right arm of the person to whom the legs belonged fiercely ran a resonance scanner over the isolinear chips behind the display's relays.

"Clarify, Lieutenant." Seven's voice was dry and her tone even, but then that was the only way in which Seven of Nine ever seemed to speak.

The legs stopped moving and the entire bridge heard the sigh of exasperation emitted by _Voyager_'s chief engineer. "The captain," began B'Elanna, who was trying to keep the smirk out of her voice, "was very clear when she said that she and the commander were not to be disturbed under _any_ circumstances."

Seven simply raised an eyebrow and reached for the chime again.

"Seriously, Seven. Don't press it. They've been…" Lieutenant Tom Paris faltered as he searched his mind for some expression that would do the moment justice "…_at it_ for some time in there."

Seven watched as Ensign Harry Kim bit his lower lip in an effort to keep a straight face. She also heard an odd sound from behind the engineering panel. Given her observance of humanity over the past fourteen months, she would have called it a 'snicker', but then the sound turned into more of a cough and she was unsure what to call it anymore.

"Commander?" Seven decided that there was obviously only one person in the room that would be able to shed some light on the situation.

"Suffice it to say that Captain Janeway was adamant that she and Commander Chakotay should not be disturbed for any matter less urgent than a red alert."

Seven's eyebrows furrowed slightly, but nobody saw as her attention was focused on the locked ready room door.

"I'm sure that if you… wait a moment they'll be… finished soon."

This time Seven was sure that the sound in reaction to the helm pilot's comment was a snicker.

"I see." Seven turned on her heel and headed back for the turbolift. "Commander, I shall return again at 1400 hours to hand the Astrometrics report to the captain. I would not want to… interrupt."

However, as it turns out, Tom Paris had been right.

The moment that Seven of Nine had passed the tactical station, where Lieutenant Mika Ayala was currently working, the ready room doors opened and both Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay exited. Seven turned once more, just in time to observe the captain wiping the heel of her hand under her lower lip as she headed back to her command chair, which Tuvok vacated.

"Commander, you are relieved."

"Aye, Captain," replied the Vulcan as he returned to the tactical station and Lieutenant Ayala left the bridge via the turbolift.

Seven remained stationary. "Captain."

"Yes, Seven?" Janeway turned before sitting, the commander beside her already in his seat, his attention on the console to his right.

"Here is the Astrometrics report for the week. I was about to give it to you when I was informed that your attentions were otherwise engaged."

Janeway swallowed, but took the PADD from Seven.

"Thank you, I shall look over it tonight."

Seven took another step towards the turbolift, but stopped as her ocular implant came across something… unusual. Her cortical implant identified the substance as one she had encountered before... but definitely not on the commander!

The captain noticed that the young woman had come to a halt. "Was there something else, Seven?"

"Yes, Captain. Why does Commander Chakotay have a line of tinted beeswax, ozokerite and petrolatum on the helix of his right ear?"

The captain blanched.

The commander swallowed.

Lieutenant Paris's hand stopped moving over the helm controls.

Ensign Kim's mouth fell open.

Lieutenant Commander Tuvok's left eyebrow twitched slightly.

A loud clang was heard from underneath the engineering panel, followed by a string of expletives in both standard Federation and Klingon that insulted the parentage of the resonance scanner. _Did she REALLY just say that?!_

Commander Chakotay was the first to respond. "Umm..."

"She means lipstick, Chakotay," came the answer from B'Elanna, who was working again, trying hard not to laugh at what she imagined the expression on her friend's face to be. She could have been responding as if Seven had inquired about the commander's favorite beverage.

"That is correct, Lieutenant. Captain, I believe that the shade in question is commonly referred to as 'Cinnamon Temptation.' You yourself wear it frequently. Indeed, the commander seems to have a secondary trail of the compound running from his mastoid process and neck to below his collar-"

"Thank you for the observation, Seven," interrupted the captain, keeping her gaze focused intensely on the PADD in front of her." I shall be sure to ask the commander about it later." Nobody moved. "Dismissed."

With that, Seven left, feeling wholly confused by the entire experience. However, she did manage to catch Commander Chakotay's cheeks darkening to match the lipstick on his ear before the turbolift doors closed behind her.

* * *

Please review :)


End file.
